I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
