k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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