So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
