She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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