I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
