People in love make me want to vomit
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
