chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
