you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
