Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Say something about gay babies.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
