Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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