I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
