I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
