What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
barbara walters just said penis...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
