Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize