I love black thongs
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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