Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
