Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
