I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
