the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
