I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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