Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
