those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
vagina is talking i cant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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