That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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