You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
