I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
