His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
