Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
