im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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