The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
