he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
