Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
