maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
