omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
