Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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