is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
