I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
