There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
