You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
