if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
