so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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