my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did i walk over a car last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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