if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
