You're so nebulous sometimes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
