I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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