you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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