glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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