we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
