Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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