from now on my penis is your penis
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
