thus making me awesome and them whores
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
