She said her name was "party"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want her autograph on my taint
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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