Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
