We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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