I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
