The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
