my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
