He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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