So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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