im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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