Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Say something about gay babies.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
