Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
