and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
