dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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