Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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